Not sure where to begin!!!

I have been trying my best to look past the things that are going on in my everyday life and move past these things and do the ATCs and get them out there...but I am not able to. Especially not now. I have been working on them since Wednesday, but I haven't been able to do much because of the news with my Dad.

I know that people have been waiting for them to get on ebay and I want to appologize because I honestly can't tell you when I will get them on there and at this point I can't even sit at my desk and work. I just got the worse news that I have ever been told...my Dad passed away this evening. I can't go into details mainly because I don't really remember everything, but there was a DNR and so he coded around 4:17 this evening...

I am angry, sad and confused but I am trying to do some of things that I feel like doing instead of things that I have to force myself to do. I feel numb...I just wanted this to turn out differently! But I understand that he is in a much better place and that he isn't feeling pain but that doesn't really make me feel better right now. I feel like being selfish and I want him to still be here. He is going to miss so much of my kids' lives. My nieces and nephews. I had my first real conversation with him in May and it was nice, but if I had known that it would be the last one, I would have said so much more. Like I wish we could know each other better...Maybe a few more I love you toos...I just don't know what to say. I feel like I didn't try hard enough when he reached out but I didn't hold a grudge either...I don't know...I just don't know

I just had to say that the ATCs will be on hold for a little while. Thanks for listening/reading...