Sunday, July 27, 2008

Not sure where to begin!!!

I have been trying my best to look past the things that are going on in my everyday life and move past these things and do the ATCs and get them out there...but I am not able to. Especially not now. I have been working on them since Wednesday, but I haven't been able to do much because of the news with my Dad.

I know that people have been waiting for them to get on ebay and I want to appologize because I honestly can't tell you when I will get them on there and at this point I can't even sit at my desk and work. I just got the worse news that I have ever been Dad passed away this evening. I can't go into details mainly because I don't really remember everything, but there was a DNR and so he coded around 4:17 this evening...

I am angry, sad and confused but I am trying to do some of things that I feel like doing instead of things that I have to force myself to do. I feel numb...I just wanted this to turn out differently! But I understand that he is in a much better place and that he isn't feeling pain but that doesn't really make me feel better right now. I feel like being selfish and I want him to still be here. He is going to miss so much of my kids' lives. My nieces and nephews. I had my first real conversation with him in May and it was nice, but if I had known that it would be the last one, I would have said so much more. Like I wish we could know each other better...Maybe a few more I love you toos...I just don't know what to say. I feel like I didn't try hard enough when he reached out but I didn't hold a grudge either...I don't know...I just don't know

I just had to say that the ATCs will be on hold for a little while. Thanks for listening/reading...


  1. Tracy -- I'm SO sorry about your father's passing! I know that paralyzing feeling you described, and sometimes you just have to give in to it, and just "reflect".
    The "what-ifs" are natural, and I know you'll come through this sad time. My prayers for peace and comfort are with you and your family.

  2. Thanks for posting your comment. And your prayers are greatly appreciated!

  3. omg Sweetie, I'm so sorry. i just stumbled across your blog and I'm glad I did. Nothing, I mean nothing is more important than taking care of yourself during such a difficult time. Email the people waiting and tell them what happened. if they don't accept it then too bad. I'm so sorry to hear about your father, take time to heal.

  4. I read one of your posts at 2peas this morning and stopped by your blog. I'm sorry Tracy. I'm sure a lot of us didn't know what was going on in your life. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers. May God give you comfort and peace.

  5. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I am just seeing this post.